I love my job very much, I love everything I am able to do...I also love to do as much as I can, not only holding a full time job, but also doing "sidelines" as my dad would call it. So I have a full time job in addition to teaching part time and providing in home behavior services on a part time basis as well. Then there's being a full time mom, a driver to cheer practice and swim practices. Then there's the health nut in me..because I will do whatever means I have to take to keep off the 35 lbs I've worked for over a year to lose, that makes sure I exercise at least 5 to 6 days a week.
So where's the tantrum...well I think it's stemming from being over stretched in every which way in my 24 hour day period and feeling the crunch of not having enough time in a day because I become too dang tired.
For one..it's been so hectic at work...I've been going at least 90 mph...and that's on a slow day. I deal with crazy ass parents (yes, I admit at times I too becomes one of those crazy ass parents...but at least I can tell myself to fuck off and be totally unprofessional) and then having SO MUCH paper work to deal with on top of writing up reports and then presenting outcomes to parents....then just having to deal with the usual daily what-nots that my line of work brings.
When I have a plan for how my day will be and things come up and throws me a curve ball, I've been having such a difficult time just shaking it off and moving on...I become extremely annoyed and angry, then I can't focus. Now this is just my normal job.
Now about my part time teaching...I wish I had enoug time to devote to my classes for the upcoming sessions in the fall...I want to dig into the curriculum and the textbook and plan my class meetings...but I HAVE NO TIME left after doing the picking up/dropping off and then using the time "waiting" for practice to be over, by running..which I need to alternate my running to cross training and strength training.
Then there's the in home behavior services, which I have no issues working and meeting with the family...it's the stupid time sheets I need to do for each client AND the monthly reports I have to do as well. Then it reminds me of how I still need print out my application to apply to take the BCBA exam, since I spent 18 months taking 6 classes to get clearance to take the test and it's been over a year and I still haven't been able to print out the dang application.
Today I found myself losing my patience and getting very ANGRY...and I also felt so isolated becuase all I really wanted to do was to complain to a colleague to be heard more than to be given any advise...I just wanted some confirmation that I was being listened to and that I wanted just plainy whine, whine, whine, to get it out of my system.
I just want to focus on cleaning up cases and filing them away or sending them off to the next school site...I just want to be able to have lunch with some of my peers and bounce ideas off each other. I just want to be able to have some time to talk with other colleagues and get their input about what else I can do to help me have a smoother year next year....and I just want at least 2 extra hours in my day...for my ME TIME without having to feel rush while my kids are in practice. I just want to vent and not be judged for venting. I want to tell people how it really is and for them not to react negatively and just know that I'm just venting...no strings attach...just speaking my mind....
I love my job, I love every aspect of what I do..it's the little extra stuff that piles on that gets me bogged down and then I feel lost and drowning.
Ha...like I tell my kids and close friends..."SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP!!!!"
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