I love my job very much, I love everything I am able to do...I also love to do as much as I can, not only holding a full time job, but also doing "sidelines" as my dad would call it. So I have a full time job in addition to teaching part time and providing in home behavior services on a part time basis as well. Then there's being a full time mom, a driver to cheer practice and swim practices. Then there's the health nut in me..because I will do whatever means I have to take to keep off the 35 lbs I've worked for over a year to lose, that makes sure I exercise at least 5 to 6 days a week.
So where's the tantrum...well I think it's stemming from being over stretched in every which way in my 24 hour day period and feeling the crunch of not having enough time in a day because I become too dang tired.
For one..it's been so hectic at work...I've been going at least 90 mph...and that's on a slow day. I deal with crazy ass parents (yes, I admit at times I too becomes one of those crazy ass parents...but at least I can tell myself to fuck off and be totally unprofessional) and then having SO MUCH paper work to deal with on top of writing up reports and then presenting outcomes to parents....then just having to deal with the usual daily what-nots that my line of work brings.
When I have a plan for how my day will be and things come up and throws me a curve ball, I've been having such a difficult time just shaking it off and moving on...I become extremely annoyed and angry, then I can't focus. Now this is just my normal job.
Now about my part time teaching...I wish I had enoug time to devote to my classes for the upcoming sessions in the fall...I want to dig into the curriculum and the textbook and plan my class meetings...but I HAVE NO TIME left after doing the picking up/dropping off and then using the time "waiting" for practice to be over, by running..which I need to alternate my running to cross training and strength training.
Then there's the in home behavior services, which I have no issues working and meeting with the family...it's the stupid time sheets I need to do for each client AND the monthly reports I have to do as well. Then it reminds me of how I still need print out my application to apply to take the BCBA exam, since I spent 18 months taking 6 classes to get clearance to take the test and it's been over a year and I still haven't been able to print out the dang application.
Today I found myself losing my patience and getting very ANGRY...and I also felt so isolated becuase all I really wanted to do was to complain to a colleague to be heard more than to be given any advise...I just wanted some confirmation that I was being listened to and that I wanted just plainy whine, whine, whine, to get it out of my system.
I just want to focus on cleaning up cases and filing them away or sending them off to the next school site...I just want to be able to have lunch with some of my peers and bounce ideas off each other. I just want to be able to have some time to talk with other colleagues and get their input about what else I can do to help me have a smoother year next year....and I just want at least 2 extra hours in my day...for my ME TIME without having to feel rush while my kids are in practice. I just want to vent and not be judged for venting. I want to tell people how it really is and for them not to react negatively and just know that I'm just venting...no strings attach...just speaking my mind....
I love my job, I love every aspect of what I do..it's the little extra stuff that piles on that gets me bogged down and then I feel lost and drowning.
Ha...like I tell my kids and close friends..."SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP!!!!"
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Monday, April 13, 2015
It's been a while since my last post. I've been contemplating on changing what I use this blog for. Initially I thought it to be a great place to reflect on my daughter's interest in competitive and my lack there of. Then I thought to my self, would that make me an unsupportive mom? Why is competitive cheer so aversive for me? I mean my kid has been in it for 5 years now and she keeps moving up levels. That should tell me something. Don't get me wrong, it does. It tells me she's pretty good at it and she has the knack for it. Her coaches have told me many times she's one of their best tumblers they've seen and for their gym...but who is to say they're just not saying that? I know, what a negative Nellie! This year, season, I decided it was time to buck up and fully accept the fact my kid loves cheer, if anything try to put myself in her shoes. Just like how I love running long distance, others say it's crazy nuts, why do it...my reply, because I love and it feels good. This is what my kid tells me "I love it,"..so Ive bucked up...I told myself it doesn't mean becoming like "those" cheer moms...I told myself it's listening to my kid after her practice reflect on how her team is doing, listening to her vent when her body isn't cooperating (which as a runner, I can empathize), asking her questions when I don't understand a lick of what she just shared, understanding how formations & complex pyramids can earn them higher scores, what her stunt group needs to work on, etc., it's being in the moment with her. It does not mean getting in the way of her growth by asking her coaches why she isn't assigned a certain spot on the floor, why she's not getting enough tumbling passes, why this why that and how come? It also doesn't mean I need to be chummies with the other moms/dads but it doesn't also mean I can't be cordial with them. So, I made up my mind, I was gonna step it up a bit, for my kid. I even started asking how they're judged... Only to regret it.. Now.
You know the saying, the more you know, you wish you didn't? Well, initially I felt proud of myself understanding how competitions are scored...when it's done correctly. When comp venue judges are real ones and have no connections with gym owners and/or coaches. I learned this year some of the reasons why competitive cheer can never be recognized as an actual sport..one of them, in my opinion, is due to judges biases & connections to owners/coaches...conflict of interest does not exist in these judges repertoire of ethics..shit..I mean shoot, I don't believe some of these judges know the meaning of ethics.
Here's a list of inconsistencies in competitive cheer that still makes me cringe when people ask me what my kid does, when I say, "I have to go now and take my kid to practice:"
1. Some gym owners help develop judge sheets for a venue that their own team will be competing at ad well
2. Just because of the gym's name/reputation, they're already ahead of any other team before even hitting the floor
3. Despite a fall, wobble, touch downs, as long as the gym has a reputation, judges just turn the other cheek
4. Gyms have athletes compete down, just to have a "strong" level team, the team should be a level 4, but can beat all other level 3 teams (athletes with little to no level 4 skills) to get better odds at a "paid bid."
5. Change athletes mid season, so that again the team has a better chance at winning, doesn't matter how that athlete feels being removed because her own coach believes she doesn't have what it takes to be on a "winning" team, even though they were chosen initially
6. Even though they should not be in a certain ranking because the team's routine was a hot mess, the coach does nothing to change it, because of their reputation, its almost as if it shouldn't be questioned/corrected (so they're telling g their athletes it's OK that the team was mediocre, you're still beating all the other teams, who they saw had a cleaner performance.
I could go on, but why? So since the season is finally over, I took this opportunity to talk with my kid about the sport, about her experience, how some comps her team scored higher than the rest, but "judges choice" went to another team, are just the facts of life. Competitive cheer is like the real world, keep working hard, over come any adversities, you'll always be judged, outcomes doesn't always turn out as expected, and above all keep your chin up. I may still hate this sport, but the cup is half full, she's learning some life lessons.
This is the atypical cheer mom...peace out!
You know the saying, the more you know, you wish you didn't? Well, initially I felt proud of myself understanding how competitions are scored...when it's done correctly. When comp venue judges are real ones and have no connections with gym owners and/or coaches. I learned this year some of the reasons why competitive cheer can never be recognized as an actual sport..one of them, in my opinion, is due to judges biases & connections to owners/coaches...conflict of interest does not exist in these judges repertoire of ethics..shit..I mean shoot, I don't believe some of these judges know the meaning of ethics.
Here's a list of inconsistencies in competitive cheer that still makes me cringe when people ask me what my kid does, when I say, "I have to go now and take my kid to practice:"
1. Some gym owners help develop judge sheets for a venue that their own team will be competing at ad well
2. Just because of the gym's name/reputation, they're already ahead of any other team before even hitting the floor
3. Despite a fall, wobble, touch downs, as long as the gym has a reputation, judges just turn the other cheek
4. Gyms have athletes compete down, just to have a "strong" level team, the team should be a level 4, but can beat all other level 3 teams (athletes with little to no level 4 skills) to get better odds at a "paid bid."
5. Change athletes mid season, so that again the team has a better chance at winning, doesn't matter how that athlete feels being removed because her own coach believes she doesn't have what it takes to be on a "winning" team, even though they were chosen initially
6. Even though they should not be in a certain ranking because the team's routine was a hot mess, the coach does nothing to change it, because of their reputation, its almost as if it shouldn't be questioned/corrected (so they're telling g their athletes it's OK that the team was mediocre, you're still beating all the other teams, who they saw had a cleaner performance.
I could go on, but why? So since the season is finally over, I took this opportunity to talk with my kid about the sport, about her experience, how some comps her team scored higher than the rest, but "judges choice" went to another team, are just the facts of life. Competitive cheer is like the real world, keep working hard, over come any adversities, you'll always be judged, outcomes doesn't always turn out as expected, and above all keep your chin up. I may still hate this sport, but the cup is half full, she's learning some life lessons.
This is the atypical cheer mom...peace out!
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