I love my job very much, I love everything I am able to do...I also love to do as much as I can, not only holding a full time job, but also doing "sidelines" as my dad would call it. So I have a full time job in addition to teaching part time and providing in home behavior services on a part time basis as well. Then there's being a full time mom, a driver to cheer practice and swim practices. Then there's the health nut in me..because I will do whatever means I have to take to keep off the 35 lbs I've worked for over a year to lose, that makes sure I exercise at least 5 to 6 days a week.
So where's the tantrum...well I think it's stemming from being over stretched in every which way in my 24 hour day period and feeling the crunch of not having enough time in a day because I become too dang tired.
For one..it's been so hectic at work...I've been going at least 90 mph...and that's on a slow day. I deal with crazy ass parents (yes, I admit at times I too becomes one of those crazy ass parents...but at least I can tell myself to fuck off and be totally unprofessional) and then having SO MUCH paper work to deal with on top of writing up reports and then presenting outcomes to parents....then just having to deal with the usual daily what-nots that my line of work brings.
When I have a plan for how my day will be and things come up and throws me a curve ball, I've been having such a difficult time just shaking it off and moving on...I become extremely annoyed and angry, then I can't focus. Now this is just my normal job.
Now about my part time teaching...I wish I had enoug time to devote to my classes for the upcoming sessions in the fall...I want to dig into the curriculum and the textbook and plan my class meetings...but I HAVE NO TIME left after doing the picking up/dropping off and then using the time "waiting" for practice to be over, by running..which I need to alternate my running to cross training and strength training.
Then there's the in home behavior services, which I have no issues working and meeting with the family...it's the stupid time sheets I need to do for each client AND the monthly reports I have to do as well. Then it reminds me of how I still need print out my application to apply to take the BCBA exam, since I spent 18 months taking 6 classes to get clearance to take the test and it's been over a year and I still haven't been able to print out the dang application.
Today I found myself losing my patience and getting very ANGRY...and I also felt so isolated becuase all I really wanted to do was to complain to a colleague to be heard more than to be given any advise...I just wanted some confirmation that I was being listened to and that I wanted just plainy whine, whine, whine, to get it out of my system.
I just want to focus on cleaning up cases and filing them away or sending them off to the next school site...I just want to be able to have lunch with some of my peers and bounce ideas off each other. I just want to be able to have some time to talk with other colleagues and get their input about what else I can do to help me have a smoother year next year....and I just want at least 2 extra hours in my day...for my ME TIME without having to feel rush while my kids are in practice. I just want to vent and not be judged for venting. I want to tell people how it really is and for them not to react negatively and just know that I'm just venting...no strings attach...just speaking my mind....
I love my job, I love every aspect of what I do..it's the little extra stuff that piles on that gets me bogged down and then I feel lost and drowning.
Ha...like I tell my kids and close friends..."SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP!!!!"
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Monday, April 13, 2015
It's been a while since my last post. I've been contemplating on changing what I use this blog for. Initially I thought it to be a great place to reflect on my daughter's interest in competitive and my lack there of. Then I thought to my self, would that make me an unsupportive mom? Why is competitive cheer so aversive for me? I mean my kid has been in it for 5 years now and she keeps moving up levels. That should tell me something. Don't get me wrong, it does. It tells me she's pretty good at it and she has the knack for it. Her coaches have told me many times she's one of their best tumblers they've seen and for their gym...but who is to say they're just not saying that? I know, what a negative Nellie! This year, season, I decided it was time to buck up and fully accept the fact my kid loves cheer, if anything try to put myself in her shoes. Just like how I love running long distance, others say it's crazy nuts, why do it...my reply, because I love and it feels good. This is what my kid tells me "I love it,"..so Ive bucked up...I told myself it doesn't mean becoming like "those" cheer moms...I told myself it's listening to my kid after her practice reflect on how her team is doing, listening to her vent when her body isn't cooperating (which as a runner, I can empathize), asking her questions when I don't understand a lick of what she just shared, understanding how formations & complex pyramids can earn them higher scores, what her stunt group needs to work on, etc., it's being in the moment with her. It does not mean getting in the way of her growth by asking her coaches why she isn't assigned a certain spot on the floor, why she's not getting enough tumbling passes, why this why that and how come? It also doesn't mean I need to be chummies with the other moms/dads but it doesn't also mean I can't be cordial with them. So, I made up my mind, I was gonna step it up a bit, for my kid. I even started asking how they're judged... Only to regret it.. Now.
You know the saying, the more you know, you wish you didn't? Well, initially I felt proud of myself understanding how competitions are scored...when it's done correctly. When comp venue judges are real ones and have no connections with gym owners and/or coaches. I learned this year some of the reasons why competitive cheer can never be recognized as an actual sport..one of them, in my opinion, is due to judges biases & connections to owners/coaches...conflict of interest does not exist in these judges repertoire of ethics..shit..I mean shoot, I don't believe some of these judges know the meaning of ethics.
Here's a list of inconsistencies in competitive cheer that still makes me cringe when people ask me what my kid does, when I say, "I have to go now and take my kid to practice:"
1. Some gym owners help develop judge sheets for a venue that their own team will be competing at ad well
2. Just because of the gym's name/reputation, they're already ahead of any other team before even hitting the floor
3. Despite a fall, wobble, touch downs, as long as the gym has a reputation, judges just turn the other cheek
4. Gyms have athletes compete down, just to have a "strong" level team, the team should be a level 4, but can beat all other level 3 teams (athletes with little to no level 4 skills) to get better odds at a "paid bid."
5. Change athletes mid season, so that again the team has a better chance at winning, doesn't matter how that athlete feels being removed because her own coach believes she doesn't have what it takes to be on a "winning" team, even though they were chosen initially
6. Even though they should not be in a certain ranking because the team's routine was a hot mess, the coach does nothing to change it, because of their reputation, its almost as if it shouldn't be questioned/corrected (so they're telling g their athletes it's OK that the team was mediocre, you're still beating all the other teams, who they saw had a cleaner performance.
I could go on, but why? So since the season is finally over, I took this opportunity to talk with my kid about the sport, about her experience, how some comps her team scored higher than the rest, but "judges choice" went to another team, are just the facts of life. Competitive cheer is like the real world, keep working hard, over come any adversities, you'll always be judged, outcomes doesn't always turn out as expected, and above all keep your chin up. I may still hate this sport, but the cup is half full, she's learning some life lessons.
This is the atypical cheer mom...peace out!
You know the saying, the more you know, you wish you didn't? Well, initially I felt proud of myself understanding how competitions are scored...when it's done correctly. When comp venue judges are real ones and have no connections with gym owners and/or coaches. I learned this year some of the reasons why competitive cheer can never be recognized as an actual sport..one of them, in my opinion, is due to judges biases & connections to owners/coaches...conflict of interest does not exist in these judges repertoire of ethics..shit..I mean shoot, I don't believe some of these judges know the meaning of ethics.
Here's a list of inconsistencies in competitive cheer that still makes me cringe when people ask me what my kid does, when I say, "I have to go now and take my kid to practice:"
1. Some gym owners help develop judge sheets for a venue that their own team will be competing at ad well
2. Just because of the gym's name/reputation, they're already ahead of any other team before even hitting the floor
3. Despite a fall, wobble, touch downs, as long as the gym has a reputation, judges just turn the other cheek
4. Gyms have athletes compete down, just to have a "strong" level team, the team should be a level 4, but can beat all other level 3 teams (athletes with little to no level 4 skills) to get better odds at a "paid bid."
5. Change athletes mid season, so that again the team has a better chance at winning, doesn't matter how that athlete feels being removed because her own coach believes she doesn't have what it takes to be on a "winning" team, even though they were chosen initially
6. Even though they should not be in a certain ranking because the team's routine was a hot mess, the coach does nothing to change it, because of their reputation, its almost as if it shouldn't be questioned/corrected (so they're telling g their athletes it's OK that the team was mediocre, you're still beating all the other teams, who they saw had a cleaner performance.
I could go on, but why? So since the season is finally over, I took this opportunity to talk with my kid about the sport, about her experience, how some comps her team scored higher than the rest, but "judges choice" went to another team, are just the facts of life. Competitive cheer is like the real world, keep working hard, over come any adversities, you'll always be judged, outcomes doesn't always turn out as expected, and above all keep your chin up. I may still hate this sport, but the cup is half full, she's learning some life lessons.
This is the atypical cheer mom...peace out!
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Well here goes nothing...I might just me the only one out there who is not your "typical cheer mom," or maybe not. Maybe there are quite a few of us who are just sitting back, enjoying the moment as you watch your daughter/son in cheer practice. Or so you think you're "enjoying" watching your child practice, but really you're squirming in your own skin, biting your lip, and telling yourself not to turn around to tell "those" other "cheer moms" to just shut it already!
But before I go anything further, I want to just put it out their that my child is not involved in your typical cheer team...no, my child belongs to a "competitive cheer" team. They're not the kinds you see at the sidelines of a popwarner-like football games shaking their "thang" and their shimmery poms-poms. Nope, this type of cheer is "competitive," yeah I know I said that already, but it needs repeating, for my sake. It's the type of cheer that in all honesty should be considered a "sport." It's a physically taxing activity, that requires the athlete to build endurance, strength, and flexibility. Injuries are not wanted and by all means something to be avoided, because it could cost the athlete the season. It's competitive because teams actually compete against other teams and win titles. There's even a "worlds" championship, which I've learned is televised on ESPN. These are the competitive cheer events where you see girls being tossed up into the air and while airborne they do flips, twirls, splits, and whatever else a body can do while in mid-air, before gravity pulls them back and down into the arms of her "base." It's nerve wracking to watch! But at the same time, I guess it's pretty cool.
My child got involved in the world of competitive cheer 4 years ago. Her friend invited her to watch at one of the competitions, which was in town. It only took that one time for my daughter to get the "bug." Honestly, I don't know if I want to even thank my friend and her daughter for planting that seed. You see, when I was in high school, I didn't like cheer....leaders...not the person per se...but just the group...okay, shoot, I'll just be honest, cheer was not at all my thing. Cheer leading was something you either liked or hated or felt indifferent towards. I had my moments of dislike and moments of indifference towards them...but never a moment where I liked....it. I never once imagined that it was something that my own off spring would want to get involved in. Now mind you, my experience of cheerleading is nowhere near what is today nor what's considered "competitive cheer," but, just the thought of having a cheerleader just does not roll out of my mouth easily, like a parent who would say, my child is in soccer, my child swims, plays baseball, etc. I was already biased against cheerleaders and it was further reinforced when I would hear news about a "cheer mom" who had gone over the edge by planning and following through a plan to hurt her child's cheermate because a spot was wrongfully taken from her child. Then to have my own child ask if she could take a break from doing gymnastics and try something new...like competitive cheer...well my first instinctive response was, "oh hell no..." I mean, really?! Are you serious?! Why?! Really?! Oh wait...I forgot to mention that competitive cheer...costs money!! Not that gymnastics didn't, but then again I also knew my child was not the next Nadia Comaneci. Let's be serious here. So, my child, who in my opinion, satisfied my own needs as a parent of participating in a sport that didn't require much of me, wants to try competitive cheer, which costs lots of money and take a break from gymnastics. What the hell just happened? Well, it's neither here nor there. I knew what my husband and I had to do...as much as I didn't want my child to try the sport..(yes, it's a sport), I also knew that I wouldn't be much of a parent if I didn't let her give it a try. She had to learn for herself whether it's something she likes or not. I had to set my own biases aside and be a role model to my child, it's not always going to be about me.
So, she, like 30+ girls participated in their "very first" try-out...which by the way, I find a bit bogus...b/c competitive cheer is really a business...it's dollar signs, so even trying out will most likely guarantee the person a spot on some team level. (This is the first typical behavior of an atypical cheer mom). Obviously, my child makes it into a team ($$$), yay for her...let's just leave it at that for now. I was still hopeful that after the first year she would change her mind and try something else new (atypical behavior #2).
And so, the story goes on...she LOVED it and continues to LOVE IT! Yay her....as for me...."Hell no, I'm not wearing a "cheer mom" shirt," I'll wear their colors, but there's no way I'm going to where a title "cheer mom" across my chest...she could still change her mind after the second season (#3). BTW: I have two cheer shirts...and yes one that says, "cheer mom," after the second season, it was inevitable that I had to raise my white flag and just surrender and accept wearing the shirt...again, it's not always going to be about me...my kid needed to see that mom was making an effort because she loves the sport (#4).
There's so much that goes on in this sport that I have yet to find a moment where I can say, "wow, this is really awesome," and really, truly, sincerely, mean it from the bottom of my heart. I swear, the look on my face is far from convincing to my two girlfriends, who are "normal" cheer mom...yes, I found that there are "types" of cheer moms...this will be covered later on, for sure. Bless their hearts, they're very patient with me; one of them and her husband translate in English the cheer language for me...without them, I don't think I would have survived this long in competitive cheer-land. Which brought me to blogging...I figured I can try to understand why I'm the atypical cheer mom, by writing/venting about it. What really threw me over the edge to "write" was my experience tonight, while watching my kid practice, I hear the same crap from the typical "cheer moms" and I was alone...my girlfriend wasn't there physically with me. Thank goodness for text/IM b/c I had an outlet, literally right at my finger tips. I had to get over the delay when texting but I seriously could not get over the fact that no one was there to "see" my nonverbals and to reciprocate it back. I had to keep my self faced forward...repeat to myself, this is for KK, this is for KK...this will be over soon....then we all can go home....(#5).
So for now...this is the start to many more reflections...I have quite a few...
But before I go anything further, I want to just put it out their that my child is not involved in your typical cheer team...no, my child belongs to a "competitive cheer" team. They're not the kinds you see at the sidelines of a popwarner-like football games shaking their "thang" and their shimmery poms-poms. Nope, this type of cheer is "competitive," yeah I know I said that already, but it needs repeating, for my sake. It's the type of cheer that in all honesty should be considered a "sport." It's a physically taxing activity, that requires the athlete to build endurance, strength, and flexibility. Injuries are not wanted and by all means something to be avoided, because it could cost the athlete the season. It's competitive because teams actually compete against other teams and win titles. There's even a "worlds" championship, which I've learned is televised on ESPN. These are the competitive cheer events where you see girls being tossed up into the air and while airborne they do flips, twirls, splits, and whatever else a body can do while in mid-air, before gravity pulls them back and down into the arms of her "base." It's nerve wracking to watch! But at the same time, I guess it's pretty cool.
My child got involved in the world of competitive cheer 4 years ago. Her friend invited her to watch at one of the competitions, which was in town. It only took that one time for my daughter to get the "bug." Honestly, I don't know if I want to even thank my friend and her daughter for planting that seed. You see, when I was in high school, I didn't like cheer....leaders...not the person per se...but just the group...okay, shoot, I'll just be honest, cheer was not at all my thing. Cheer leading was something you either liked or hated or felt indifferent towards. I had my moments of dislike and moments of indifference towards them...but never a moment where I liked....it. I never once imagined that it was something that my own off spring would want to get involved in. Now mind you, my experience of cheerleading is nowhere near what is today nor what's considered "competitive cheer," but, just the thought of having a cheerleader just does not roll out of my mouth easily, like a parent who would say, my child is in soccer, my child swims, plays baseball, etc. I was already biased against cheerleaders and it was further reinforced when I would hear news about a "cheer mom" who had gone over the edge by planning and following through a plan to hurt her child's cheermate because a spot was wrongfully taken from her child. Then to have my own child ask if she could take a break from doing gymnastics and try something new...like competitive cheer...well my first instinctive response was, "oh hell no..." I mean, really?! Are you serious?! Why?! Really?! Oh wait...I forgot to mention that competitive cheer...costs money!! Not that gymnastics didn't, but then again I also knew my child was not the next Nadia Comaneci. Let's be serious here. So, my child, who in my opinion, satisfied my own needs as a parent of participating in a sport that didn't require much of me, wants to try competitive cheer, which costs lots of money and take a break from gymnastics. What the hell just happened? Well, it's neither here nor there. I knew what my husband and I had to do...as much as I didn't want my child to try the sport..(yes, it's a sport), I also knew that I wouldn't be much of a parent if I didn't let her give it a try. She had to learn for herself whether it's something she likes or not. I had to set my own biases aside and be a role model to my child, it's not always going to be about me.
So, she, like 30+ girls participated in their "very first" try-out...which by the way, I find a bit bogus...b/c competitive cheer is really a business...it's dollar signs, so even trying out will most likely guarantee the person a spot on some team level. (This is the first typical behavior of an atypical cheer mom). Obviously, my child makes it into a team ($$$), yay for her...let's just leave it at that for now. I was still hopeful that after the first year she would change her mind and try something else new (atypical behavior #2).
And so, the story goes on...she LOVED it and continues to LOVE IT! Yay her....as for me...."Hell no, I'm not wearing a "cheer mom" shirt," I'll wear their colors, but there's no way I'm going to where a title "cheer mom" across my chest...she could still change her mind after the second season (#3). BTW: I have two cheer shirts...and yes one that says, "cheer mom," after the second season, it was inevitable that I had to raise my white flag and just surrender and accept wearing the shirt...again, it's not always going to be about me...my kid needed to see that mom was making an effort because she loves the sport (#4).
There's so much that goes on in this sport that I have yet to find a moment where I can say, "wow, this is really awesome," and really, truly, sincerely, mean it from the bottom of my heart. I swear, the look on my face is far from convincing to my two girlfriends, who are "normal" cheer mom...yes, I found that there are "types" of cheer moms...this will be covered later on, for sure. Bless their hearts, they're very patient with me; one of them and her husband translate in English the cheer language for me...without them, I don't think I would have survived this long in competitive cheer-land. Which brought me to blogging...I figured I can try to understand why I'm the atypical cheer mom, by writing/venting about it. What really threw me over the edge to "write" was my experience tonight, while watching my kid practice, I hear the same crap from the typical "cheer moms" and I was alone...my girlfriend wasn't there physically with me. Thank goodness for text/IM b/c I had an outlet, literally right at my finger tips. I had to get over the delay when texting but I seriously could not get over the fact that no one was there to "see" my nonverbals and to reciprocate it back. I had to keep my self faced forward...repeat to myself, this is for KK, this is for KK...this will be over soon....then we all can go home....(#5).
So for now...this is the start to many more reflections...I have quite a few...
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